Thursday, August 29, 2013

All the Different Sitches...

Yes, I know, "sitch" is not a real word, but this is my blog, so here it is. Short for "situation." I am one of those people who block their lives - there is the work, the home/family, the Three Amigas (and such adventures), the OKC dating, the Monkey, the biofam... you get the point. Usually, the sitches do not overlap - they are seemingly independent of each other, yet they are highly dependent on each other. What happens with the Monkey determines what happens with home/family, for example. I have the ability (superpower maybe?) of being able to cut off everything else when I am dealing with any one of the sitches; when I'm at work, whatever has been happening at home/family, or with the Monkey, or on OKC, is completely set aside and I work. Very rarely do I allow what has happened in one sitch determine/derail/affect what happens in another sitch. This is both good and bad; the good, I think, is obvious; the bad includes allowing things to fester in the deep recesses of my mind (increasing my anxiety level, no bueno), and also seems to give the appearance to Other People that I am a cold, noncaring person. Unfortunately for me, I care too much about things; I am just built and raised (because a lot of it comes from what you learned to do as a child) to separate things into separate sitches, and deal with what's in front of me at the time. This does not preclude me from being a control freak and sweating over things that I have no control over - this happens A LOT. In fact, this is usually the biggest source of my anxiety. Anyhow, here they are in no particular order:

The Duke Sitch
Every time I leave the house, I have to chain up Duke. As I think I have mentioned before, the chain is like a necklace that he can take off himself once I leave - it is more a training symbol for him to trigger the Auntie's leaving thing. Plus, he knows that when this happens, he gets treats. Well, Duke has decided that he is not just going to hop over the 6 1/2 foot fence when I leave the house, but now when Mom leaves (who is his Mommy). He is often over the fence and in the car, sitting like he owns it, waiting to go on a car ride, before Mom can get out of the car. Mom will occasionally take him around the block, and when he gets home, he gets out (not willingly) and goes back into the yard. Now, mind you, it takes Mom somewhere around 20 mins to get out of the car (no joke; it may be closer to 10, but whatever the actual number is, it is forever). If I am home and Mom has to leave, then I occupy Duke and keep him from hopping the fence. If I am not home, Mom chains him up, to the point where it's not tight, but keeps him chained up until someone gets home and unchains him. This drives me nuts. Like seriously nuts. But I don't have any other ideas for remedying this situation and keeping him from jumping the fence.

The Work Sitch
Let's see, Tuesday will be three weeks. And I love my job. I love that you have to be highly effective in multi-tasking to do my job (which you wouldn't think was necessary from a 7/11 clerk, but trust me, there are things going on when you're not in the store that you wouldn't believe actually get done in order for that place to run smoothly). Last night, I finally got to work in the cooler. I think Tom & Donna have been keeping me out of the cooler because Donna has tweaked her back a couple of times doing the stocking that goes on back there. I think they're worried that the same would happen to me. I LOVE IT IN THE COOLER!!! Although my OCD was in a total freak-out - it so needs to be reorganized desperately to make things run more smoothly. The reason I ended up in the cooler is because Leo, a good kid, needed a day off. He's been working who knows how many days in a row because they are short people (as have I). So it was just me and Donna last night, and with the kids coming in from the high school (literally a block away and on the way home for MANY of them), our Gatorade, Arizonas, water, and the like were completely bare. And since I work the swing shift, it needed to be refilled before they hit us again in the morning. It took me a good couple of hours (with stuff going on in between) to fill just those sections. I left the beer/wine for Tommy to do this morning. I did text Leo in advance to let him know I was playing in his cooler and to apologize in advance for screwing it up if I did. Leo is always complaining that he is frozen when he's in there (it has to be kept at below 38 degrees, I think, just above freezing), but I was loving it. My hands stayed warm because they were constantly moving, and I had the work jacket on, so the only part of me that was cold was my face. I stocked as much as I could based on what we had. I left the beer/wine for Tommy, since it wasn't necessary for the morning shift to have those ready (although we do sell an amazing amount of beer in the morning... In Cali, beer sales stop at 2am, and most places, start again at 6am, so anytime after 6, we start selling beer again, literally. It's interesting...). I told Donna I loved it, and it actually was good for my back because I wasn't just standing on my feet all night, but moving up and down, left to right, and working out the stiffness. So hopefully, I'll be able to do it again. One of my biggest issues at Sad was that we often had waaaaaay too much money in our drawers, and even when we called management to come pick it up and drop it, they would not. It made us sitting ducks for being robbed. And robbery had happened at both our store, and others. At work now, if I feel like I have too much money in my drawer, I can drop it anytime. Any freaking time. The sign that says "cashier does not have more than $50 in their drawer at any time" is very very true. And I cannot open the safe at all, so that sign (Clerk cannot access safe) is also very true. And this makes me feel safer. As do all of the cameras - inside and outside. This particular store has only been monetarily robbed once, where they actually went in to the inner office (because the door had been propped open to do stocking, so they took advantage of it), and it wasn't a gun in the face type of robbery, which they've (KNOCK ON EVERY PIECE OF WOOD AVAILABLE) never had. I enjoy talking to the customers (most of them, anyway... the teenagers, well, they can ... ), I like who I'm working with and who I'm working for. Work is good for the first time in a couple of years, which is so nice, and stressless. It's nice to not be anxious when getting ready for work, as well as not having to do make-up and hair every single time. I wear my hair up because I do work with food, even though it's not a requirement, but I don't do my barrels or rolls every time, and I will sometimes just do moisturizer and lipstick/gloss and that's all. And it's all good. I do, however, need to find some shoes that have a high enough wedge of a heel to keep the back pain away. I haven't found the right ones yet.

The Doctor Sitch
I have a dislocated disc between L4 and L5 (which puts it right about hip level) on my left side. This has made my left side about 2 inches longer than my right side (which is not obvious until you look at the wear and tear on my shoes; right now, I have wedge flip flops on and when I take them off, you can definitely see where I have the most weight - and therefore wear - in my shoes; they are floral patterned, and the wear is where the floral pattern has worn off and is black. They look like this:

Anyhow, this has been 10 years ongoing in October of this year. Because this was a workers comp issue (I fell while working at a Psych Inpatient Hospital by walking on a wet floor), I have had to go through the hell of going to the doctor far more often than I am happy doing. In the past 7 years or so, I have gotten it down to going every 3 months. And I see two doctors; one who does the prescription for my pain management medication, and one who I see for everything else (like genetics-caused issues, ob/gyn issues, stuff like that). Last week, I saw my pain specialist. As everything with my injury has stayed stable, those appointments are basically a quick pee in the cup and hi, how're you doing? and that's it. No big deal. This week I had my appointment with my normal nurse practitioner that I see for everything else, except she wasn't in, and my appointment was booked with her sub (I knew this ahead of time, and I didn't think it was a big deal). I have been seeing the same NP for the past 5 or so years, and she and I have gone through many many MANY different things together. Not to say that I am a sickly person, or a hypochondriac, but simply that - without insurance and me paying out of pocket for medications, as well as dealing with the intricacies of dealing with assistance programs, we have run the gamut to figure out what works, what doesn't and how to get there. She and I have also dealt with my genetics and family medical history (which runs rampant with heart disease - hypertension, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, you name it - as well as obesity) and have found what works and what doesn't, and why I cannot seem to drop below 165lbs, no matter what I do. We have finally worked out that a lot of the weight is due to the medications that I take for pain management, as well as the Pill. I walk just about every where I go, although I need to start supplementing that because my commute to work WAS 3 miles roundtrip, and now it's 5 houses one way. I do yoga because it helps with my back, but again, I have been slacking on it, so I am at 170lbs. When you look at me, you would never guess that. I've noticed in the small places that we all know to look for when we start gaining/losing weight and use as a personal gauge. The subNP that came in to see me immediately started in on a "plan that she just KNEW was going to help me lose weight and get my NUMBERS under control" (ie my cholesterol numbers). She said she could tell from last year's numbers that I don't exercise at all and that I don't eat healthy. Um, really? YOU DON'T KNOW ME BITCH. I restrained myself from saying that, but did stop her and say, I walk everywhere. Including to this appointment, which will have been a 4mile roundtrip by the time I get home. And my work commute was a 3mile roundtrip 4-5 times a week. Nevermind the time at work when I would go up and down three flights of the store multiple times a day. Nope, I never exercise. Even at my new job, I am constantly moving. CONSTANTLY MOVING. As far as eating goes, I was really good at eliminating processed foods - the creamer I use for my coffee is Nestle's all-natural creamer with no preservatives in it; I buy fruits and veggies - and if it's canned, I make sure that it's in natural juices (and if I can't, then I strain and rinse it out of the syrup it comes in); when I buy juice, it's all natural juice + water - not juice plus sugars/high fructose corn syrup/preservatives, etc. During the summer especially, I eat a lot of fruits and salads, just because it is usually so hot that I cannot stand to eat anything else. And I have gotten really good about eating breakfast as well as other small meals a day. And all of this still equaled me at 165lbs. But my numbers said otherwise, according to this NP. After she said that, I tuned her out. Especially since she was not familiar with my medication routine and would not be willing to do the refills that were needed and I was going to have to come back and see my NP anyway. And she wasn't going to order my annual labs since she wanted me to try her plan for a month to see the difference and then take my labs. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. A four mile trek and 12hour plus fasting (for the labs) for naught. Which leads me to...

The Food Sitch
Although I live with my mother and brothers, I usually buy my own food. I tend to eat healthier than anyone in my family, mainly because I want to stave off my genetics from happening this soon in my life. The rest of the family doesn't seem to have the same concern. I have a living example of what happens when genetics + not caring looks like in my mother, and it is usually enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. HOWEVER, doing this takes money. And I have learned how to live on a tight budget and still eat healthily (hello, 99Cent Store: fresh fruits and veggies!!). But with what I was making at Sad, I was screwed after paying my bills, and had to rely on my mother (mainly) for food. I was also eating out a lot with her when I was going to work with her at the laundromat or just running errands, which is a big no no. Her favorite seems to be Taco Bell lately. My eating habits have definitely gone on the slide (not enough to justify the subNP's assertions, but still, enough for me to notice the gain of 5lbs or so). At work now, we are allowed to have any of the hot foods available while on our break, while also being allowed any of the fountain drinks/Slurpees/coffee that we want. Anything else, we have to pay for. Since I don't have the money... well, I've been living on jalapeno/cream cheese taquitos (term used loosely), mozzarella sticks, and buffalo chicken rollers. Drink-wise, I've been a little bit better. I started out with the sugar-free Slurpee, then switched to 7up with cherry syrup (7up is supposed to be more natural, as is Sprite, not to mention that there is a lot less caffeine, but the cherry syrup needs to go, I know). At the end of the night, I'll switch to half decaf/half flavored coffee with creamer. And no, the creamer is not the all natural creamer I use at home. So yes, my diet habits have literally taken a dive down the not good. This week, I will actually be able to use part of my paycheck to buy MY food again - my healthy, unprocessed happy food. And I am so looking forward to it. Now, I just need to figure out how to maintain my healthy while at work; we do have healthy options (which are far more expensive than if I brought in my own lunch, which I can totally - and plan on - do(ing)), but it is more of a keeping me out of the bad things while I'm there. Drinking water has become necessary for me, because I crave it more than the other, which tells me I'm not getting enough. I also usually do a Gatorade because I tend to sweat a lot (especially behind the counter, where all of the ovens and heaters are at) even with air conditioning, and it's the fastest way to get the electrolytes back into my system (especially in this heat and muggy weather we've been having). Now it's just a matter of keeping out of the highly processed no good for you foods.

The Awesome Sitch
Awesome is a perma-kitten, like the Tard (aka Grumpy Cat). She is a black and grey tabby, with a black racing stripe down her back. She will be 2yrs old in September. Awesome was adopted from Manny, our 70yr old neighbor who started with one cat (Tommy, who ended up being a girl) that he refuses to get spayed. Monet, our older cat (she's around 16yrs old, was my sister's that she left at home when she moved out) used to live in my brother's room. All the time. Which, when he was home, was no big deal. When he started to live at work, I started letting Monet out of his room so she could have some human interaction, which she desperately craved. And then she wouldn't go back in his room and stay there, which kinda pissed him off (too damn bad, but apparently, I'm the only person who saw that there was a problem leaving her in the room by herself forever.). So, we adopted Awesome and Shazam, who were siblings. Shazam was the one who had personality and was my adoption; Awesome was quiet and was for my brother (to replace Monet). Well, Shazam decided to go out back and play with the dogs - when she was only about 4months old. Needless to say, she didn't make it. After Shazam was buried, Awesome's personality kicked in, and she decided that she too did not want to live in my brother's room (nor did he want her in it). Monet and Awesome became BFFs, which took some time. And both cats love my mother. Occasionally, they'll come to me for attention, but for the most part, they stay in my mom's room or the dining room, and the only real reason they come to me is when they want fed or treats (omg, they are so addicted to catnip treats! Give these girls catnip and they turn into whores - doing anything for the fix!! All I have to do is rattle the bag and they go apeshit crazy!! I have been trying to grow some fresh catnip, but this heat has been killing all of my efforts... I digress). Anyway, I didn't think that Awesome could get pregnant due to her perma-kitten status, but I had still planned on getting her spayed (even though she is not my cat. But, then again, Duke is not my dog, and I not only provide the food and treats for all of the animals, but will end up paying for them to be fixed properly). She got pregnant before I could (saw that coming, didn't ya?), and had 4 full-sized beautiful little kittens. Who all died before a month was out. They are buried in my garden, underneath some columbine that is taking it's sweet ass time growing. It's been about a month, and the plan to spay her was still in effect, until my hours (and therefore my pay) was cut to below that's not even on the radar right now, making sure they have food is. Now that I am finally working a job where I will have the ability to pay for her to get spayed, she's freaking pregnant AGAIN. *exasperation* I don't know why her babies died from her first litter, especially after the first week (I've grown enough kittens to know that if they make it through the first 2 weeks, 9 times out of 10, they will make it. The last one who died was 4 weeks old). Now, I'm going to have to go through this again... Ugh. We shall see what happens. And the envelope for the spay money has already been created, it's just waiting for money to go into it.

The Hands Sitch
My hands have always been a source of issue for me; I think it comes from when I waited tables as an undergrad - who wanted someone with crappy looking nails or hands serving them dinner? Anyway, it's a longstanding frustrating relationship for me. It became more so when I was working for Sad when I would put freight away and because I was constantly dealing with money. I get callouses on the fingertips, and they tend to crack. I have done acrylic nails, which seemed to be the only way my nails would grow, but I get frustrated with the fact that they don't look natural and end up taking them off, which means I have to rehabilitate my nails all over again. Then I discovered gel nails, which I LOVED. But, when we went to let my nails "breathe" after a month or so of nails (not more than 6 weeks), the products had literally eaten through half of my nail bed, which meant that my nail started halfway done and I had to regrow them out. I have tried multitudes of things to help my nails grow, including hair/nail vitamins and prenatal vitamins. All to no avail. And then I found this:

Which is AWESOME. It's a whopping $1.50 and by LA Colors, and it works. Especially if I use it. My nails not only grow, the whites are white, and the ridges I normally *think* I have are no longer there. So I have been taking it with me to my mani/pedis and only doing manis every two weeks (the off week, I will file and repolish myself, which is not usually the best, but it gets the job done). Last week, when I went in for my mani, my hands were torn up... I have to use hot water to clean all of the stuff I need to clean, plus the chemicals that we use to clean up the store... a mess they were. But I did not have my calcium polish with me (I had left it outside in the heat, which thickened it up and made it not bueno, and I didn't have time to get a new bottle before my mani). And so my mani lasted a whole day at work. And they look like sh*t again. I have decided that since I can afford it, I will go in once a week to get a mani. And I have a new bottle of Calcium treatment to take with me. I also think I will be getting a pair of moisturizing gloves (those ones you wear when you're asleep that let the moisturizer to sink into your hands?) and using those in conjunction with the vaseline that my Helen definitely recommends. Hopefully I'll be able to post a picture of my healthy, pretty hands in the next month or so (it's good to have goals, right??? And I did think about posting a before pic, but no. Not going to happen. Maybe after the mani, but definitely not right now).

Ok, I do believe I have gotten it all out of my system... At least for today. There's a few other sitches - there's always a few other sitches, but none of them are pressing and needing to drag this out any longer than it already has gone on. I'll post my interesting things I'm reading/found/etc in my next post. Speaking of, I've been thinking about doing a desilu diaries facebook page. I'm thinking that this is where I can post my interesting things (with maybe a blog round-up at the end of the month), random thoughts, etc, as well as when blog posts are posted. I know my readership is not all that great (but thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who do read!!), but this way, I will not feel bad for times when I cannot post every week, or happy to share those things that I find worth sharing/food for thought. WHAT DO YA'LL THINK??

xoxox Desilu

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